She's gone :(

May 31, around 9pm, I still remember the night before it's death. I was outside playing with the kittens. It was breezy cold. The kittens meows loudly, begging to let them out of the cage; just like usual. I fed their mom and let them out to play. There's only 2 kittens was born by Alien (the name of the cat; it is because it came to our house and we took it as our pet). 1 of them is playful and active while the other 1 is quite, love to be alone, but yet friendly. I didn't give them names yet so I'll assume the playful 1 as Black, and the quiet 1 as Stripey.

Black is like always, she ran out of the cage and don't know where to begin. It was like "I'm outside and.. what am I going to do??". She played with her mom, scratching the newspapers, tried to climb up my shirt etc. While Stripey slowly went out of the cage and walk slowly under the car. She loves to be in the dark. Then I took Stripey and let her sleep on my lap. It was easy for her to sleep compared to Black. She kept on looking around, looking at me and.. ohh.. it's so hard for her to shut her eyes and go to sleep (-_-) I could see Stripey breath so hard.., harder compared to Black. Then I've been thinking.

Does she have a lung problem? Will she survive until she's old enough to have kittens? I can't think much. What is better than warm balls of purring fur sleeping on my lap?

That night was so sweet. The breezy air comforted me finely. I would really love to sleep outside with them but I know it's impossible. It was so nice to just relax and look high up at the sky. It is so hard to find stars these days. I looked at the time on my mobile phone. It's getting late. Then I look at the kittens; they slept cozily on my lap. It's making me feel so hard to let them go and put them in the cage again; but I have to. I slowly lifted them and put them in the cage. They awoke; But then they fell asleep again. I left both of them in the cage and get into my house.

June 1, around 10am, I woke up from my sleep. I had my breakfast and watched the tv. After a few hours, I went out to take a look at the kittens. Black kept on meowing; she wants to get out of the cage, but Stripey just laid down on the cardboard. She seemed to breath so hard. Then I saw her 'crawling'. It's not even crawling; she can't move her feet. Then I open the cage door and I lifted Stripey onto my hand. I observed her. She seemed to be a bit flat. I told her to be strong-minded.

"Please, dear. You could take it. You could survive. Please.."

That's what I've been saying to her.


I looked at her for a long time. She seemed like there's no more hope to survive. I cried for several times. Sometimes she cried so hard that made me feel so.. uhh. I can't bear my tears. I don't even know what is actually happening to Stripey. I stared at her for several times. Black and Alien acted like usual. They didn't know anything. They're just cats; they don't have hearts nor feelings (I guess so).

On the evening, I took a look at the kittens again. Stripey is in the same condition. I prayed for her recovery and healthiness. I cried again that time. After that, I left them. I kept on thinking about them. Later that day, I've found that Stripey left me forever. She seemed to be stonned and not moving anymore. When I lifted her, she still in the same position. She's not breathing anymore. I admired her. My feeling was trully shattered.

I dug a hole beside my house. I buried her by myself. It was the old grave of another cat before. After all done, I mourned her for some time. It was so sad to lost a cute, friendly cat like Stripey.

Every time I remember about Stripey, I'll cry so hard.

Hope you're just fine there; even you're just a kitten.